Summer Wishes

She walked down the street with her silver and white earphones in and her spotted skirts swirling around her thighs. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and tangled in the wires in tiny spirals. She hummed a discordant tune and stepped carefully along the edge of the sidewalk in worn out sneakers.

It was funny watching her. Seeing the way she bit her lip when she was trying extra hard not stumble and fall off the edge. It was funny to see how she closed her eyes and pretended she was far, far away on a tightrope above the ground, a striped tent soaring above her, a massive crowd holding their breath in the stands. It was funny because she was me.

It was weird, floating outside of myself. I saw myself as others might have seen me: a silly, whimsical girl with her head in the clouds and no worries. It was so different from what I truly felt, what I really wanted, that I almost screamed. Not that I could when I was so out of my body, so far away from normal.

And suddenly I was back in myself. I opened my eyes and I was the girl with the spotted skirts and worn out sneakers again. I closed them again, unwilling to limit myself to this existence, but I couldn’t go back to looking from the outside. Once again I was just me, and that was hard to take.

Some people think that I’m lonely, that I don’t have any friends, and that I’m hard to get to know and it’s just not worth it. Sometimes I think they’re right.

But then I remember that at least part of that is wrong. I do have a friend. Her name is Summer and she’s been with me for a long time. I see her now, walking toward me with a stupidly wide grin and a wild purple bob. Her eyes are bright and match her hair and she has little silver piercings up her ear. Her tie-dyed shirt is knotted above her waist and she’s wearing jean shorts with converse. She’s the only one who doesn’t judge me.

“Listening to The Decemberists again? You’re such a grim little duckling.” She said when she got closer. She linked an arm around my neck and plucked an earphone out to stick in her own ear. “This always reminded me of when Remus and Tonks died in Harry Potter and left their son, Teddy, behind. But you knew that already.”

I smiled broadly at her, my panic fading. “I didn’t know you’d be around here today.” I replied, looking down at our feet as we walked along the sidewalk.

“Yes you did. That’s why you’re here.” She snorted and looked out onto the dusty road with little worry. “I wanted to go on an adventure, but now I’m here, I think that’s not going to happen.”

My head jerked up at this. “Why not? Is it because of me?” I was terrified that it was my fault.

She tilted her head sideways and furrowed her brow. “You’re ridiculous, you know that? Mel, you need to stop being so sensitive. It’s not because of you. It’s because of us. Together we are enough adventure that we don’t need to go looking for one.”

I felt a little better after that. We walked to the playground and sat on the swings, looking out over the hills dappled in the late afternoon glow and chatted about nothing in particular while I went through song after song that depicted our life together.

As the sun started to go down, Summer seemed to fade into the grass. We lay down among the blades and rolled until the green stained our clothes. Summer melted into the earth. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, make her stay so she would never disappear. Instead I just talked to her, as if by talking and making her respond, I was keeping her here with me.

She was wild and funny and turbulent. She rolled like waves over the green and laughed like the world was one big joke that only she understood. She was beautiful in every way, my guardian angel in purple and tie-dye. The trees seemed to whisper to her and she laughed with them, but it was just out of my reach. No matter how many times I reached out to her, she was completely intangible.

It must have been about five when my parents came to get me. The sun was just starting to dip under the horizon and Summer had become transparent, so thin and wispy that my hand dropped right through hers. She saw my parents coming up the lane and her lilac eyes flickered with discontent. She got up on her elbows and leaned towards me.

“I have to go now, Mel. I’ll see you soon. Maybe sooner than you think.” Then she leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Melanie! It’s time to go home!” My parents called over the fence and I looked up quickly.

“Coming!” I turned back around, desperate to tell Summer that I couldn’t wait to see her again, but she was gone. Just like that, without so much of a crunch of dry twigs or a sigh of wind.

I’m not going to lie: it hurt. A chasm opened up in my heart. I could barely breathe, but somehow I managed to crawl to my feet and stumble out of the playground, to the parents that could do nothing to ease th